Why Men Donโt Show Vulnerability
๐พ๐๐ ๐ด๐๐ ๐ซ๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐!
SO! A few days ago I did a post on โ5 hidden insecurities men haveโ. I appreciated the responses VERY much, because I have sons & other men I love and adore in my life!
It also caused me to reflect, because even though I am a safe space for my sons to be vulnerable, they still have issues with being awkward with it, & I was really concerned about who messed my sons up after my insecurities post! I immediately started studying it!
๐๐ฎ๐ซ๐ง๐ฌ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญโฆ.๐ข๐ญโ๐ฌ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐๐ โ๐๐๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐จ๐ซ๐ง ๐ฆ๐๐ฅ๐โ
Only 8 weeks after conception to 1 year of age, the male brain is being flooded with testosterone. Testosterone is the hormone of aggression, dominance, focus, & goal orientation. It fosters competition more than cooperation. So, before men are even born, their brain is bathed & marinating in Testosterone.
Simultaneously, from 0-12 years of age MIS (Mullerian Inhibiting Substance) is also firing in the males brain . MIS defeminizes their brain, opens pathways & circuits for exploratory behavior, sexual interest & pursuit, play, aggression, exploitation, & rough and tumble behavior.
BOTH these hormones are very active before puberty even hits & have HUGE effects on the minds of men.
Men will spend Two Thirds of their lives in competitive games or thingโs competitive in nature compared to Women who spend Two Thirds in things cooperative in nature.
Men need this hormonal brain bath to prepare them for their teenage years!
The male social hierarchy begins in their teenage years. It is built through:
1) physical dominance
2) physical aggression
3) competition
4) sports
5) mental abilities
6) exploratory type behaviors
Boys rise & fall in this hierarchy! It gets them respect, female attention, & builds them up as a man. AND the hierarchy moves quick & dirty!!!
As they are entering this hierarchy phase, the testosterone release is a 20 fold increase! It causes them to even see faces more aggressively than they actually are. All circuits are completely lit up to perform well in the hierarchy!
๐๐จ ๐ฆ๐๐ง, ๐ญ๐ก๐ # ๐ ๐๐ง๐๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐จ๐ ๐ฉ๐ก๐ฒ๐ฌ๐ข๐๐๐ฅ ๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐๐ง๐๐ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐๐๐ค๐ง๐๐ฌ๐ฌ.
๐โ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ฆ ๏ผ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ฆ ๐กโ๐๐ก ๐กโ๐๐ฆ ๐๐ฃ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ก๐ ๐๐ข๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ฅ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๏ผ ๐๐ข๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๏ผ
Like I said, the hierarchy is quick & dirty! Opportunities to make fun of someone and move UP the ladder or get teased and fall down is happening at ALL times, so they learn to hide emotion on their face. Studies showed that when men were shown pictures & images, they would naturally have an instant reaction, that would IMMEDIATELY dip, because they learned to control their emotions. Immediate spike. Immediate dip.
So for 5-8 years of their teenage lives they have had intense training to NEVER EVER be vulnerable! Weakness isnโt a friend maker in the male world. It can actually make you more enemies as a teenager. They are taught emotions are a blanket weakness.
๐ช๐๐โ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐?
The ones who had Emotionally mature males to be vulnerable with behind closed doors with can. Unfortunately, in many cases they didnโt.
๐ฏ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐:
1) Never shame or judge him when he does. It might be best to not even say anything. Eventually, heโll start to trust & feel itโs okay.
2) Encourage boys to access emotions when itโs appropriate. Thereโs a time and place to be a man & handle your $h!t โฆAND thereโs a time to release emotions.
