Worn Out Woman

This blog was originally written 9/4/2021

These pictures were taken by my 24 year old, Rebecca, 13 years ago & came up in summer memories. This period of time, was the beginning of the biggest internal breakdown & longest depression that would turn to me drinking daily 2 years later.

“You have so much. Why are you complaining?”

“You have more than we ever had.”

“Honey, there are people who want what you have.”

“What do you want?”

I was not allowed to complain. I was not allowed to feel overwhelmed. (I would deny I was, because I didn’t know the name of the word for the emotion I was feeling)

On one hand, right now, I have people commending me on how strong I am due to what I’m going through at the moment. On the other hand, I have people trying to accuse me of being overly emotional due to what I’m going through.

I assure you, if you’re getting the sword from me right now, it’s because I’ve been in similar situations & survived & so have my kids. I have so much faith in God due to what I’ve been through in life…seeing what’s coming down the pipe & being able to see right through people isn’t difficult for me at all. I’m 44 years old and VERY self-aware. I look at these pictures & know the depths of despair the pictured woman is in and…it’s.going.to.get.much.worse!

Her husband has already had multiple back surgeries at this point. There will be more, because they nicked his spinal cord in the last one. There will be a huge family falling out during this surgery due to serious boundary & toxic issues in it. There will be an oil spill that will take her husband away from her for 4 years, she will be in her first year of nursing school & have to quit, her oldest daughter will be going through a nervous breakdown alongside her as well. All to start with a massive 3-5 car wreck with all the children in the car due to a teenager losing control of a car. This will ALL HAPPEN WITHIN TWO YEARS! Even more happens after & this picture-perfect family ends broken.

She already has five children. The last three are triplets. The youngest daughter, one of the triplets already has been in & out of the hospital for turning blue & ends up having a fundoplication at 6 months. The child is incredibly delayed due to being in a hospital bed most of her life, later found to be autistic. She’s already moved all these kids once after the triplets turned One. They will move again in a month. She’s already isolated & feeling very alone away from family & friends living in Corpus Christi, TX.

This is when people leaned in & were jealous. This is when people talked bad about her. This is when people passed so much judgment & still do. This is when people couldn’t understand why she was depressed. This is when she was living beneath the floor. This is when people took advantage of her emotional state. This is when She had God, but didn’t know him. I was on my way to finding him & it would take up until my 17 year old daughter being in the hospital to know I had & knew God & that he had my back the whole time.

I am going through a lot & I have the strength & mental clarity right now to take care of a lot. It’s God given due to what I’ve already been through. This time, I’m getting high fives the whole way. Olivia has a road to travel, but it’s looking good. Chemotherapy is going to suck for a long time & she has the fortune of having a mother that’s not gonna crack, because she’s been built up so strong! All my kids are savage & mentally strong.

It’s tough enough being a mom. Especially if you actually care about being a good one & it’s on your mind every day, wondering if you’re doing a good job & enough. External pressure & judgment from others isn’t necessary or valuable.

We talk about how people are acting “now”. It’s been this way a while, it’s just on blast now.

Love your kids’ mom. Support your kids’ mom. Criticism by anyone going through trauma isn’t helpful. They mostly need to vent, not free advice from people who have no conception any way. If they request your wisdom, go ahead. Otherwise, assume you’re giving support by listening & allowing them to vent.

Moms support your fellow moms.