Spiritual Awakening

On August 12th, 2021, my daughter Olivia was admitted for acute liver failure to Memorial Herman Children's hospital downtown Houston. Her dad had 2 blood panels taken during the summer, and both came back negative for everything. Olivia and I were on lockdown at the hospital until infectious disease was confident she had something called (HLH) Hemophagocytic Lymphohistiocystosis. It's an autoimmune disease and precancer. It's hereditary for most. For the 1% like Olivia, it was a switch her body flipped from having mononucleosis, which we didn't know she had, because all the tests came back negative for it. Her body was attacking itself, and it started with her liver. We were locked in the room without any ideas for 10 days. The 10th day, infectious disease, and oncology confirmed Olivia had HLH and she started receiving chemotherapy. It was supposed to be a one year step down program....Olivia finished in 9 weeks! There were 2 separate times my daughter looked me in the eyes, and asked me if she was going to die. I looked at her and told her with no quiver in my voice, "You're not going to die. We are going to walk off this unit and get you the outta here! I promise!" I did my best to never let her see me worried or stressed. I never cried in front of her, but would when she'd leave. I didn't want her or I to hear any of the survival statistics people were concerned about. She, nor I, ever knew them until we left the hospital. We didn't let negativity in. I played healing music, prayed, and we had healing crystals and rocks in the room for her, and I'd put essential oils on her back in addition to the medical treatment. The doctors, nurses and staff, all believed in what we were doing in that room Sipitually and would comment on how different the vibe was in our room. They told us nothing could help her more than peace, and lifted spirits...that, and visits from Dexter the support dog she loved so much. God was in that room, and Olivia did every single thing asked of her. She survived, took treatment in record time, and graduated high school this year. She has no idea how remarkable I think she is.

In utero, Isabella, was delayed the entire time, and each time we'd visit, they'd tell me not to expect her to survive. She did! After she was born, she had multiple blue spells where she was choking on her reflux. Blue babies die because they aren't breathing. They are choking on vomit. The doctors were treating me like a neurotic mother because they couldn't get her to do at the hospital, what she was doing at home with me. Ask me if I fired an entire Gastroenterology team? Someone finally listened. Isabella ended up having what is called a fundoplication. They basically tie a knot where her esophagus meets her stomach, so that the reflux couldn't come all the way up anymore. Doing all the tests, poking and prodding wasn't easy. Bella litterally had to have 4 professionals handle her for I.V.'s etc, because she was strong enough to fight back at 4-6 months old. I wish I was kidding. This poor little muffin has supposed to have died on me multiple times, and she is just the purest form of joy all the time....peace...not so much

Six months before Olivia was admitted to the hospital, my dad died after hitting his head and falling down. He hit it hard enough to cause his brain to bleed. He went the rest of the day with a headache, chose not to eat dinner, because he wasn't feeling well, and never woke up again. He died of a subdural hematoma. His brain swelled, and blood pooled, and he became brain-damaged. He had the most successful, and perfect surgery that didn't end up helping at all. His eyes still never opened. He never woke up. The doctors told us there was no hope, and we let him go. The borders were shut down due to COVID. He lived in a suburb of Toronto, Canada, and I live here in Houston, TX. in the United States. He wasn't considered an emergency anymore when they decided he was brain dead, so my brother nor I, who are his biological children...weren't there, and couldn't get to him. There's no way to convey the helplessness I felt. I got through it by asking for prayer on Facebook. Y'all came through on that for sure. I have no doubt he, along with God have had their hand guiding me through the tough stuff this year and didn't allow me to lose anything but, money honestly, and that can always be remade.

Having two separate daughters try to die on you will send you through a spiritual awakening in itself, and possibly cause you to question your faith every once and a while. I've had many spiritual awakenings over the years, and nothing has drawn me to God, and the spiritual aspect of my life the way it has for the past 2-3 years. Whenever I'm under extreme stress, every other word becomes the F bomb. It can confuse people and cause them to think I'm unholy....I assure you..I just sin differently than you do. That's my stuff to deal with. I don't really miss days of prayer, and I write them out frequently. So, the Soul aspect of Mind, Body, and Soul, actually did come last. Nothing I've done in the past few years has been done without God. I'm very much in alignment with God, my body, and my mind. I could not have controlled my emotions living moment to moment in tight quarters with Olivia if I hadn't had my positive mind, boundaries, and my faith, because no one around me understood what was happening to her. I had to tell them. I couldn't have dealt with my dad slipping through my fingers if I didn't know he was really with me in a pinch if I was losing faith just a little bit. I wouldn't have had the strength to carry Isabella to term and watch her come close to dying and get poked and prodded if I didn't believe everything happens for a reason. I would have been nothing. Our family would have been nothing if I didn't have my faith.

I'm not especially concerned with who your high power is. I just hope you have or find one. There is so much beyond us, and control is an illusion. It can all be over in a snap that you were in no way prepared for. There's no way to just logic some of the supernatural things that happen out. Believing there's a bigger and divine plan will deliver you from pain and mental & physical anguish. What does faith look like to you? What do you do daily to serve?